How to become a TRUE Chicagoan: Being a Good Bulls Fan
Chicagoan Guide
A Diego Manifisto Gem
Some of us have precious memories of basketball. I think about playing basketball in the backyard with my grandmama Larry.
I don't remember why I had three grandmothers but grandmama was the prettiest, the tallest, and the fittest. And she was unbeatable. Anyway, pardon the pontification, I digress. So you’re trying to figure out, as a Chicagoan, who to root for in the NBA? I’ve got help for you.
One Team
You might believe that choosing a basketball team in Chicago is an easier decision than choosing a baseball team because there is only one NBA team in Chicago. You’re wrong. There are two NBA teams in Chicago. The Chicago Bulls and the 90s Chicago Bulls. I promise you that if you’re new to Chicago or new to basketball, you have to understand this or you will be banished from the community. Let me explain the difference.
The Bulls vs. the 90s Bulls
I grew up in the golden era - The Jordan Era. For those of you that are unfamiliar, let me explain. Every year after the first championship, we expected a Finals appearance and championship. After Jordan left, that expectation evaporated.
Listen, it’s fine to NOT root for the non-90s Chicago Bulls because sometimes (most of the time) they are not worth rooting for. But you’re also not allowed to adopt another team. It’s either the Bulls or shut off your television. Whether you like them or not, they’re your only option to root for.
“Hey, that was the past. Let’s move forward,” said no true Bulls fan ever.
You don’t AWAYS have to be a die-hard fan as long as you ALWAYS pay tribute to the 90s Bulls. Instead, when the Bulls are struggling, reminisce and instantly win the favor of those around you. Try using these phrases completely out of context at a Bulls game, “There’s never been a better one-two punch than Jordan and Pippen '' or “Look at the championship flags of the Bulls dynasty. Those were good times.” Those are winning phrases. Oh, and it’s okay to criticize Pippen’s decision to not take the final shot but that’s the ONLY criticism that’s allowed of the 90s Bulls. Absolutely no criticism of MJ, under any circumstance, is allowed. With every MJ critique, Lebron James’ head grows. That’s right. Lebron’s hairline is not receding. His head is outgrowing his hair.
Pros and Cons of Bulls Fandom
Choose you this day which NBA team you will root for. If you want to be a true Chicagoan, there are no other options. However, you must understand that while there are eternal bragging rights with being a Bulls fan, it is also a heavy burden. We welcome you to join the fold before the Bulls become great again and it just looks like you’re jumping on the bandwagon. But in full transparency, let me explain what to expect if you decide to follow this franchise:
The Pros of Being a Chicago Bulls Fan
You can always talk about the 90s Bulls aka “The Greatest NBA Team Ever”
The greatest NBA player all time, the GOAT, played for your team
The greatest coach ever once coached your team
The logo is aesthetically appealing as well as the color scheme and uniforms
Benny the Bull is the only mascot that has gotten in shape over the years (see below)
The entire city can rally around this one team
90s Benny the Bull
Modern Benny the Bull
The Cons of Being a Chicago Bulls Fan
They are no longer the 90s Bulls
They are not good
The only way to have hope for them is to lower your standards (e.g. “Maybe ‘such and such’ will develop into a great player” or “They just need to sign ‘such and such’ to a contract.”). These are all false hopes.
Michael Jordan no longer plays for them
You murmur to yourself at random times, “What would Derrick Rose have been like if he was never injured?”
They still charge money to watch the product on the court
You usually go to the games to lowkey see the other team
Phil Jackson is no longer the coach
Despite the cons, the pros will ALWAYS outweigh them. Come and celebrate the past with us and lament the present and the dim future of this beloved franchise. It is a passionate community.
Notes
Obligatory Note: There’s also a WNBA team called the Chicago Sky (I think). It’s good to know that they exist and if you don’t want to appear misogynistic, then learn a couple of their player’s names in case that “once-in-a-blue-moon” conversation about the Sky comes up.
Non-negotiable Note: Never, and I mean NEVER, give Lebron James ANY credit. If you do, it will be considered blasphemy to the greatness of Michael Jordan’s career. Any time his name is mentioned as The G.O.A.T., just laugh. Belittle whoever suggested it. There is one exception. You can compliment LBJ as long as you add a disclaimer about his inferiority compared to MJ. For instance, you can say, “Wow, Lebron is so good - but he’s no MJ” or “Lebron has been to the Finals so many times but Michael never lost in the Finals.” Here are a couple of examples of blasphemy, “Lebron is so good” or “When it’s all said and done, Lebron is in the conversation for being the best.”
Educational Note: If you’re confused by what I just said or need more information, do yourself a favor and watch the documentary “The Last Dance.”
